Too many sad stories

My God, sometimes life sucks.  People suffer.  They get sick.  They die.  Children die.  Some beautiful families survive only in photos after tragedy rips one member from their Kodak moments forever.  And sometimes it is too much.  Sometimes I am consumed by thoughts of others’ suffering.  Sometimes I am consumed by anxiety that these horrible things will happen to me.  And when I am consumed by these thoughts, I am missing the very moments I am afraid of losing because of some possible catastrophe.

My life has not been a series of catastrophes.  It has been one beautiful moment after another with the occasional struggle in between.  A few months ago, I stood with many of the people I love, all in one place.  Under a pavilion in the mountains of Colorado, we sang.  Some well, some off key.  All with enthusiasm.

I felt alive.  I felt at peace.  I felt lucky.  I breathed in that moment and I carry it with me.

I have been wanting to write about that trip to Colorado.  About that moment.  I know I was lucky to have it.  When I am consumed by anxiety and the tragedies suffered by others, I am motivated to collect as many of those moments as I can.  Every time I have one, some part of me questions how many one person is allowed.  Surely I will reach my quota eventually.

Until then, I will push through my anxiety in order to pursue them.  Even as my heart breaks for those who are suffering, I understand they are suffering because they have lost someone or something that made them feel alive.  I understand that in this moment, I still have the luxury of being alive and feeling alive.

As long as I do, I will keep fighting through the darkness in this world to find the light.  I know it’s there.  It has shined on me so many times before.


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