Life at high speed

I got a speeding ticket last week.  I was on a road where the limit was recently lowered from 45 to 35 and a check point had been set up to catch those who hadn’t noticed.  I felt guilty for driving faster than the limit with my children in the car and for the money that would go to paying the fine.  I have no desire to put myself, my children or others in danger by driving too fast.  But here’s the interesting thing:  I did not notice I was speeding.  I was not in a rush and actually made it to the appointment we were on our way to on time, despite the embarrassing criminal stop by police.  So, why was I speeding?

I have been trying to figure that out.  I am always in a rush.  I am always in crisis mode.  Even when I am not in a car, I am always speeding.  I am a firm believer in the value of living in the moment, of savoring every experience and opportunity…but sometimes I suck at it.  Much of the time, I am daydreaming about what I would like to be doing or agonizing over what might be rather than focusing on what is.  And truth be told, what is, is really sweet.

I have a husband who inspires me and three children who are the best entertainment I could ask for.  We have a comfortable life, opportunities for new experiences and are healthy enough to enjoy those experiences.  We have supportive families and friends who make life even sweeter.  I am so grateful for the life I have.  So why am I rushing through it?

Sometimes I am so engaged in what society says I should be doing that I have lost sight of what I know to be true.  I waste time worrying about how I look or how I dress.  I waste time shopping for the right toys to give my children the best learning experiences.   I  waste hours online looking for products that I think will make my life easier.   I have given in to what I have been told I need and shut the door on what I truly know I need.

I have been in this fast paced state for as long as I can remember.  There is always so much to do and not enough time to do it.  I feel like I am spinning my wheels most of the time.  But there are moments when the wheels gain traction and I move ever so slightly forward.  Moments when I hold my children or focus on their laughter or watch them as they discover something or comfort them when they are in pain.   Moments when I am in sync with the universe, either through music or writing or through people I love or people who fascinate me.  Moments during which what matters to me starts to come into sharp focus.  Moments in which I know I already have more than I will ever need.  In those moments, I find peace and I will myself to slow down and turn onto a new road with an even lower speed limit, or maybe one with no speed limit at all.

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