I got a speeding ticket last week. I was on a road where the limit was recently lowered from 45 to 35 and a check point had been set up to catch those who hadn’t noticed. I felt guilty for driving faster than the limit with my children in the car and for the money that would go to paying the fine. I have no desire to put myself, my children or others in danger by driving too fast. But here’s the interesting thing: I did not notice I was speeding. I was not in a rush and actually made it to the appointment we were on our way to on time, despite the embarrassing criminal stop by police. So, why was I speeding?
I have been trying to figure that out. I am always in a rush. I am always in crisis mode. Even when I am not in a car, I am always speeding. I am a firm believer in the value of living in the moment, of savoring every experience and opportunity…but sometimes I suck at it. Much of the time, I am daydreaming about what I would like to be doing or agonizing over what might be rather than focusing on what is. And truth be told, what is, is really sweet.
I have a husband who inspires me and three children who are the best entertainment I could ask for. We have a comfortable life, opportunities for new experiences and are healthy enough to enjoy those experiences. We have supportive families and friends who make life even sweeter. I am so grateful for the life I have. So why am I rushing through it?
Sometimes I am so engaged in what society says I should be doing that I have lost sight of what I know to be true. I waste time worrying about how I look or how I dress. I waste time shopping for the right toys to give my children the best learning experiences. I waste hours online looking for products that I think will make my life easier. I have given in to what I have been told I need and shut the door on what I truly know I need.
I have been in this fast paced state for as long as I can remember. There is always so much to do and not enough time to do it. I feel like I am spinning my wheels most of the time. But there are moments when the wheels gain traction and I move ever so slightly forward. Moments when I hold my children or focus on their laughter or watch them as they discover something or comfort them when they are in pain. Moments when I am in sync with the universe, either through music or writing or through people I love or people who fascinate me. Moments during which what matters to me starts to come into sharp focus. Moments in which I know I already have more than I will ever need. In those moments, I find peace and I will myself to slow down and turn onto a new road with an even lower speed limit, or maybe one with no speed limit at all.
- So much to learn
- Living Large